ISM's.. how true are these????

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

WALL ST VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows (No balance sheet provided with the release). You then report that you are in a financial crisis which will impact the entire global economy. The government then buys your Bull, passing the costs on to the U.S Taxpayers.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the h#ll out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but. . . . . at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive..........?

A Boss Who Tells it Like it Is.....

I believe this pretty much sums up what is going on in our country today.... Very well written for sure....

To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

However, what you don't see is the back story.

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am , mentally check in at about noon , and then leave at 5pm , I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... you never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

So where am I going with all this?

It's quite simple.

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....

Signed,
Your boss

More of the first years of my life

I really dont remember much about the first 10 years or so of my life but I do remember kind of a timeline of when things happened. I remember we lived on 26th avenue in Spokane on the south hill which was a block away from Chris's house at the time. I remember Betsie and I had to sleep in the basement, which was unfinished btw, but we had waterbeds and they were very very warm. We shared a room. The only thing that really stands out about that house is the bad dreams I had. Have you ever had a dream, where you felt like thousands of SPIDERS were crawling all over you and the dream felt very very real? That is the dreams I had constantly in that house. I dont know if my mom even knows that. I also remember I was obsessed with BIG WHEEL tricycles. If you dont know what they are, click on the word to see. You might have had one yourself. I went through many of these "bikes." I remember when my parents bought me the Big Wheel called the Sidewinder. It was a big wheel with had brakes on each of the back wheels. If you pulled on one of the brakes you would do 360 degree circles. Kind of like I do with my e-brake in my car in snowy parking lots. I loved that and my mom says she couldn't get me off of it.

I also remember the name of my kindergarten teacher at Lincoln Heights Elementary. When you hear her name you will know why I remember it. Her name was Mrs. Sidensticker. Yes, you read that right. We moved out to the valley after first grade. That story to come.......

For all you Ferris Bueller Fans!!

Well, Megan and I were watching old movies tonight, and we were noticing a lot of actors and actresses from back when they made their start. It started us looking things up and I came across the best thing since sliced bread. The famous quotes from FERRIS BUELLERS DAY OFF... YES... my life is made.. so here it is... My personal favorites are in RED.. Enjoy

Memorable quotes for
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Cameron: I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it.

---

Cameron: I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sloane: College.
Cameron: Yeah, but to do what?
Sloane: What are you interested in?
Cameron: Nothing.
Sloane: Me neither!
Cameron: [to Ferris, who's singing on the parade float] YOU'RE CRAZY!
Sloane: What do you think Ferris is gonna do?
Cameron: He's gonna be a fry cook on Venus!

---

Sloane: He's gonna marry me.

---

[Ferris has snuck aboard a parade float]
Ferris: Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you.
Cameron: [screams]
Sloane: Ferris! Get off of the float!

---

Ed Rooney: [Whistling for the dog with a vase in his hands] Come here doggy! Look what Uncle Ed's got for you, you little fucker!

---

Ferris: Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?

---

Cameron: What'd I do?
Ferris: You killed the car.

---

Sloane: What are we going to do?
Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home.
Ferris: [to the camera] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away?
[beat]
Ferris: Neither would I.

---

[Cameron doesn't want to go out, but Ferris keeps calling]
Cameron: He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit.

---

Jeannie: In a nutshell: I hate my brother.
Boy in Police Station: That's cool. Did you blow him away or somethin'?

---

Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: I asked you first.
Ferris: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
Cameron: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
Ferris: Now, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
Cameron: You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.

---

[a baseball game is on television]
Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.

---

Ferris:If you're not I over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend.
Cameron: You've been saying that since the fifth grade.

---

Jeannie: [thinking to herself] Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy. After all, I got a car, he got a computer. But still, why should he get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants? Why should everything work out for him? What makes him so goddamn special?
[spoken]
Jeannie: Screw him.

---

Economics Teacher: In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics.

---

Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

---

Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land...?let my Cameron go!"

---

Cameron: Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.

---

Economics Teacher: Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?

---

Shermanite with Jersey: Who's he talking to?
Blond Sherminite: Ferris Bueller, you know him?
Shermanite with Jersey: Yeah, he's getting me out of Summer School.
[pause]
Shermanite with Jersey: Shit, I hope he doesn't die. I can't handle summer school.

---

Maitre D': [grabs ferris on the shoulder while he grabs the phone in the resteraunt] All right, I've had enough of this
Ferris: [Ferris is annoyed] You touch me I yell rat!

---

Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.

---

Ferris: Hi. Do you speak English?
Garage Attendant: Uh, what country do you think this is?

---

Sloane: The city looks so peaceful from up here.
Ferris: Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet.
Cameron: I think I see my dad.

---

Cameron: Okay Ferris, can we just let it go, please?
Sloane: Ferris, please. You've gone to far. We're going to get busted.
Ferris: A: You can never go too far. B: If I'm gonna get busted, it is *not* gonna be by a guy like *that*.

---

Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.

---

Ferris: [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.

---

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

---

Boy in Police Station: You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore.

---

Maitre D': You're Abe Froman?
Ferris: That's right, I'm Abe Froman.
Maitre D': The Sausage King of Chicago?
Ferris: [caught off-guard] ... Uh yeah, that's me.
Maitre D': Look, I'm very busy. Why don't you take the kids and go back to the clubhouse?
Ferris: Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am?
Maitre D': I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty.
Ferris: Snooty?
Maitre D': Snotty.
Ferris: Snotty?

---

Ferris: Cameron, what have you seen today?
Cameron: Nothing good.
Ferris: Nothing - wha - what do you mean nothing good? We've seen everything good. We've seen the whole city! We went to a museum, we saw priceless works of art! We ate pancreas!

---

Ed Rooney: Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief.
Sloane: Great.

---

Economics Teacher: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Economics Teacher: Thank you, Simone
Simone: No problem whatsoever.

---

Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

---

[calling the police about an intruder]
Jeannie: There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen... M-my-my-my name is Bueller...
[pause]
Jeannie: Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better, but I'm in danger, okay? I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't want it violated or killed, all right? I need help! Speaka de English? DICKHEAD!

---

Boy in Police Station: Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Boy in Police Station: Drugs.

---

Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people.

---

Ferris: [Ferris is calling Cameron at home] Cameron, babe, what's happenin'?
Cameron: [Cameron lying in bed underneath covers] Very little.

---

Ferris: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

---

Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion.
Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.

---

Garage Attendant: You guys got nothing to worry about, I'm a professional.
Cameron: A professional what?

---

Ferris: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

---

Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.

---

Singing Nurse: I heard that you were feeling ill. Headache, fever, and a chill. I came to help restore your pluck, cause I'm the nurse who likes to...

---

Ed Rooney: How would you feel about another *year* of high school? Under my close personal supervision.

---

Sloane: Mr. Rooney... Ed... you're a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion.

---

Ferris: [his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it?
[pause]
Ferris: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!

---

Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true.
Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas.
Grace: Mmm-hmm.
Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.

---

[Calling her mother's office]
Jeannie: Well, where is she? This is her daughter.
[pause]
Jeannie: Do know where she is?
[pause]
Jeannie: Well, do you know when she'll be back?
[pause]
Jeannie: Do you know anything?
[slams down receiver]

---

Maitre D': I weep for the future.

---

[On the phone]
Ed Rooney: Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record?
Katie Bueller: I don't understand.
Ed Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year.
Katie Bueller: This is all news to me.
Ed Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times.
Katie Bueller: Nine times?
Ed Rooney: Nine times.
Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Ed Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.
Katie Bueller: I can't believe it.
Ed Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days...
[His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen]
Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

---

Ferris: Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

---

Katie Bueller: I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her!
Tom Bueller: I think we should shoot her.

---

Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.
[Ferris caresses the car in admiration]
Cameron: No. No! Apparently, you don't understand!
Ferris: [ignoring Cameron] Wow.
Cameron: Ferris, he never drives it! He just rubs it with a diaper!

---

[after hearing Jeannie describe her problems... ]
Boy in Police Station: There's someone you should talk to.
Jeannie: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle.
Boy in Police Station: Oh, you know him?

---

Cameron: [in disguised voice] Pardon my French, but you're an asshole! Asshole!

---

Cameron: [Whispering to himself after hanging up from a phone call with Ferris] I'm dying.
[Phone rings, and Cameron answers]
Ferris: (over the phone) You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.

---

Ferris: Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to.
Cameron: We're pinched, for sure.
Ferris: Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.

---

[after making a horrible noise with a clarinet]
Ferris: Never had one lesson!

---

[On the phone]
Ed Rooney: I'm very sorry, Mr. Peterson...
Cameron: [disguised voice] Call me sir! Goddamn it!

---

Ferris: [In a sing-song voice] Do you have a kiss for daddy?

---

Jeannie: I can't drive when you're yelling at me! STOP IT!

---

Ed Rooney: Ed Rooney.
Cameron: [disguising voice as George Peterson] Ed. This is George Peterson.
Ed Rooney: How are you today, sir?
Cameron: [voice disguised] Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
Ed Rooney: Yeah I heard, and man, I'm all broken up, boy, what a blow.
Cameron: [disguised] Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning and we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
Ed Rooney: Uh, yeah, sure, no I'd be happy to, yeah you, uh, you you just produce a corpse, and uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
Grace: Ed?
Ed Rooney: It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap and let him fall right in it.
Grace: Ooh!
Cameron: [disguised] I'm sorry, Ed, did you say you wanted to see a body?
Ed Rooney: Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know that's school policy.
Cameron: [disguised] Oh.
Ed Rooney: Was this your mother?
Cameron: [disguised] Uh, no my wife's mother.
Grace: [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
Ferris: Hi this is Ferris Bueller, can I speak to Mr. Rooney please? Thank you.
Grace: [caught off-guard] Uh... hold.
Ed Rooney: Tell ya what, dipshit. If you don't like my policies you can come on down here and smooch my big ole' white butt.
Grace: ED!
Ed Rooney: Pucker up butter-cup.
[to Grace]
Ed Rooney: What?
Grace: Ferris Bueller's on line 2.

---

Ferris: Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours.
Cameron: Oh, thanks.

---

[hearing a fake phone message]
Sloane: [crying on machine] We can't come to the phone right now. We've had a... death in the family.
Ed Rooney: Grace, Ferris Bueller is behind this. There is no doubt in my mind, and now, he's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing.
Grace: Her grandmother, too.
Ed Rooney: You pinhead.
Sloane: [sobbing] If you need to reach us, we'll be at the following number...
[sobbing becomes hysterical and over the top]

---

Cameron: Hey batta batta batta hey batta batta batta SWING batta!

---

Sloane: What could happen to it? It's in a garage.
Cameron: It could get wrecked, stolen, scratched, breathed on wrong... a pigeon could shit on it! Who knows?

---

[Ferris kisses Sloan passionately while posing as her father]
Ed Rooney: So THAT's how it is in their family...

---

Boy in Police Station: What's your name?
Jeannie: It's Jean, but most guys call me Shauna.
Boy in Police Station: Okay Jean.

---

Ferris: [after the end credits] ... You're still here? It's over!

---

Ferris: [Hiding on the floor of the taxi while his father is in the car next to him] What's he doing?
Sloane: He's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands.

---

Cameron: [while kicking his father's car] Who do you love? Who do you love? You love a car!

---

Ferris: It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.

---

[the guys just notice the "additional miles" on the car]
Ferris: [to the audience] Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
Cameron: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
[Cameron's screams can be heard all across Chicago]

---

Attendant's Co-Pilot: [having gotten away with taking the priceless 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California on a wild joyride] Yeah, man, we gotta' do this again!

---

Sloane: Sooner or later, everyone goes to the zoo.

---

Cameron: [fake answering machine message] You have reached the Coughlin Brothers Mortuary. We're deeply sorry we are not able to come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, we will get back to you as soon as humanly possible.

---

Grace: [a while after the first time Rooney yelled at "Sloane's Dad"] Peterson home on line one. And watch your mouth this time.

---

[Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are in a taxicab. Ferris and Sloane are kissing]
Cameron: It's getting late, buddy. We better go get the car back home.
Ferris: We have a few hours. We have until 6:00.
Cameron: I'm sorry. I know you don't care, but it does mean my ass.
Ferris: You think I don't care?
Cameron: I KNOW you don't care.

---

Ferris: If anyone needs a day off, it's Cameron. He has a lot of things to sort out before he graduates. Can't be wound up this tight and go to college, his roommate will kill him.

---

English Teacher: [speaking very slowly] In... what... way... does the author's use of the prison
[takes chalk and draws prison bars through the word 'prison' on blackboard]
English Teacher: symbolize the protagonist's struggle, and how does this relate to our discussion of the uses of irony?

---

Ferris: [to the camera, after tricking his parents into believing he's sick] Incredible, one of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
[opens blinds to reveal a beautiful spring day]
Ferris: How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?
[begins fiddling with electronics to fake his voice]
Ferris: This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung, so I better make this one count.

---

Ferris: [while running home, Ferris runs past two bikini-clad sunbathers, then returns] Hi, how you doing? I'm Ferris Bueller.

---

Girl on Bus: Gummi bear? It's been in my pocket; they're real warm and soft.

---

Ferris: I'm so disappointed in Cameron! Twenty bucks says he's in his car right now debating on whether or not to go out.
Cameron: [Cameron's in his car] He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit.
[Turns the engine on then turns it off and hits the passenger seat]
Cameron: God Damn it!
[Turns the car on and revs it up]
Cameron: Ahhhhhh! Shit!
[Gets out of the car]
Cameron: That's it!
[Paces behind the car and jumps up and down in frustration]

---

Cameron: [Ferris slowly pulls the Ferrari out of the garage] No, Ferris. I'm putting my foot down. You're just gonna have to think of something else.
[Ferris keeps driving]
Cameron: Ferris! We could call a limo! A nice stretch jobs with the TV and the bar. How about that?
Ferris: [Ferris pulls the car back slightly] Come on. Live a little!
[Cameron crosses himself, walks to the car]

---

Shermerite: [a student is walking around with a can collecting money] Save Ferris? Save Ferris?
[Solicits Jeannie]
Shermerite: Save Ferris?
Jeannie: Excuse me?
Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. They run about 50 g's, so if you wouldn't mind helping out...
Jeannie: Go piss up a flagpole.
Shermerite: I'm sorry?
Jeannie: You should be.
[Knocks the can out of his hand]

---

Ferris: I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
[sings into shower head a verse from Wayne Newton's "Danke Schoen"]
Ferris: I recall Central Park in Fall, how you tore your dress, what a mess, I confess...

OKAY... Change of blog plans!!!!

Okay, so in light of the fact that I am a blog slacker, and the fact that we live in a country that is seeing its worse times since, oh, that time period of "THE GREAT DEPRESSION," I have decided to start blogging not only my life for the first 30 years, but also FACTUAL views of our country and the BLIND ASS path we are heading if we dont pull our heads out of our ARROGANT ASS's!!! So be prepared, and if you are a closed minded person, who is in denial, I would encourage you to read and follow along more than anyone. The words I will post will be from unbiased resources and will be more factual than opinionated as to not sound one sided. GOD BLESS you all and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!

This is outstanding..


Luke AFB is west of Phoenix and is rapidly being surrounded by civilization that complains about the noise from the base and its planes, forgetting that it was there long before they were. A certain lieutenant colonel at Luke AFB deserves a big pat on the back. Apparently, an individual who lives somewhere near Luke AFB wrote the local paper complaining about a group of F-16s that disturbed his/her day at the mall.

When that individual read the response from a Luke AFB officer, it must Have stung quite a bit.

The complaint:
'Question of the day for Luke Air Force Base:

Whom do we thank for the morning air show? Last Wednesday, at precisely 9:11 A.M, a tight formation of four F-16 jets made a low pass over Arrowhead Mall, continuing west over Bell Road at approximately 500 feet. Imagine our good fortune! Do the Tom Cruise-wannabes feel we need this wake-up call, or were they trying to impress the cashiers at Mervyns early bird special?

Any response would be appreciated.

The response:

Regarding 'A wake-up call from Luke's jets' On June 15, at precisely 9:12 a.m., a perfectly timed four- ship fly by of F-16s from the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base flew over the grave of Capt. Jeremy Fresques. Capt Fresques was an Air Force officer who was previously stationed at Luke Air Force Base and was killed in Iraq on May 30, Memorial Day.

At 9 a. m. on June 15, his family and friends gathered at Sunland Memorial Park in Sun City to mourn the loss of a husband, son and friend. Based on the letter writer's recount of the fly by, and because of the jet noise, I'm sure you didn't hear the 21-gun salute, the playing of taps, or my words to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques as I gave them their son's flag on behalf of the President of the United States and all those veterans and servicemen and women who understand the sacrifices they have endured..

A four-ship fly by is a display of r espect the Air Force gives to those who give their lives in defense of freedom. We are professional aviators and take our jobs seriously, and on June 15 what the letter writer witnessed was four officers lining up to pay their ultimate respects.

The letter writer asks, 'Whom do we thank for the morning air show? The 56th Fighter Wing will make the call for you, and forward your thanks to the widow and parents of Capt Fresques, and thank them for you, for it was in the ir honor that my pilots flew the most honorable formation of their lives.

Only 2 defining forces have ever offered to die for you....Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

Lt. Col. Grant L. Rosensteel, Jr.

USAF



How ALL phones SHOULD be answered!

GOOD MORNING,

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA


.........



Please Press '1' for English.

Press
'2' to disconnect until you learn to speak English







And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ







And the American Soldier






One died for your soul,





The other for your freedom.


If you don't agree, then get out of America. We are a country founded by God and protected by man. Yes, I once again used the name "GOD" in my words. GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!!

Tagged

I think that everybody needs to feel like they are loved, so I am doing this tag.

Here are the rules.
1. As a comment on my blog, leave a memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember! If we're only blogging friends, write about a post that is most memorable. If you don't have a blog and don't know how to sign in, please comment as anonymous.

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll be sure to write one about you... either on your blog, in my comment box, or I will email you back!

3. If the memory happens to involve my wife, please include her!

4. If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all ☺

Can't wait to hear ♫♪ Memories.. of the way we were...♪♫

In the beginning....

Well, the prophet told us to keep a personal history and since I hate to sit and type a timeline of my life, and I want to keep it fun and interesting, I thought I would blog my first 30 yrs and share my memories with everyone....

That being said, In the beginning, Randy and Juli Call decided to have a crazy night in the apartment in my grandpa Call's house. I have done the math and figured that since I was born in late November, and I was about 3 weeks or so late, I have figured they must have "celebrated" valentines day a little to much.. ok, ok, TMI.... but anyway, 9 months later, I crowned my way into the world. I was born on November 28th, 1978 @ 10:28 a.m. weighing 7 lbs 11.5 oz and 21 inches long . I dont remember much about that day, although my mom likes to always remind me that I was 3 weeks late, in labor for 18 hours, and pushed for 2 and a half hours. Knowing what I know now about the crappy world we live in today, no wonder I didnt want to come out. I guess I almost didnt make it into the world alive. My cord was wrapped around my neck twice and I was very blue, which runs in my family I guess. You will see what I mean in future posts. And that, my friends, was when it all began.......